Compromises
by Primande
Summary: "Deep down, he knew that no other job would please her as much as this one. She was meant to be a cop, and it was unfair of him to ask her to quit all of that for him. But he couldn't bear the thought of losing her and he knew that it was a real possibility with this job." 7x05 tag.


**A/N: Hello everyone! Here is a tag for 7x05. Here is a continuation of the episode, taking over the subject of leaving the FBI. As much as I loved their banter (and the episode), I felt their conversation lacked the seriousness needed when it comes to such a decision. So here is my take on what they could have said, had the discussion been more serious. **

A fem rays of moonlight seeped through the curtains, lighting up the sleeping form of Teresa Lisbon, wheezing lightly next to the not-so-sleeping form of her boyfriend. It had become quite unusual for him not to be able to sleep at night, not when he had a warm body to cuddle with, but tonight he was feeling particularly restless.

Their conversation kept replaying in his mind, even though he tried to push it away as hard as he could. When he had proposed to leave the FBI, it had really been just a thought in his mind. But she had brought it up again, kept pushing, and now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

He knew what he wanted: to leave the FBI. It was an interesting job, sure, but the 'mental stimulation', as she had put it, wasn't worth the risk she was exposed to. He'd rather be bored than destroyed by her death.

The problem was that Teresa Lisbon literally lived on adrenaline. And coffee of course (but he was willing to let her drink this liquid poison on a daily basis if it meant she was away from any other danger: after all, love was all about compromises).

As light-hearted as their previous banter had been, she had been clear about one thing: she wouldn't be satisfied with spending the rest of her life lazing in the sun. Of course, he wasn't surprised and he shouldn't be, but everything would have been so much simpler if she was this type of girl.

He started thinking about plans. Of course, he had known she wasn't satisfied with his lack of plans for the future, but he had still trouble wrapping his head around the idea of a happy future. Not thinking about it had allowed him to avoid the idea of losing her. But now, it was becoming clear that without plans, he had a good chance of losing her.

What could possibly content her need for action without putting her in danger? It was a tough question, even for Patrick Jane. A few possibilities passed through his mind, but he immediately pushed them aside. Firefighter? So much for not being in danger. Plus he had a feeling it would reawaken bad memories, since her father had been a firefighter. Army pilot? He scoffed. It was even worse than FBI agent. Air traffic controller could satisfy her need for adrenalin, but he still had a feeling being trapped being a desk wouldn't suit her either.

He sighed. Deep down, he knew that no other job would please her as much as this one. She was meant to be a cop, and it was unfair of him to ask her to quit all of that for him. But he couldn't bear the thought of losing her and he knew that it was a real possibility with this job.

"Stop thinking so hard."

Her whispered words made him jump a little. When he turned his head, he was welcomed by the sight of her beautiful and earnest eyes. Even if they were still clouded by sleep, he could distinctly read a bit of anguish and her restlessness in them, and he instantly knew she was perfectly aware of what was going on inside his head. He bended over and pecked her lips. She smiled a little against his, and ran her fingers through his wild curls. For a little while, they just gazed into each other's eyes, cherishing this moment of love.

"Sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep, love."

She sighed.

"And let you dwell like that on our earlier conversation? I'd rather have you share your thoughts with me."

"I'll stop thinking about it" he lied. "Besides, discussing it at 2AM won't bring some magical solutions."

She gave him her 'cut the crap' face, letting him know that he was not going out of this argument now. He groaned softly.

"I don't want to pressure you." he started. And God knew he meant those words. Commitment was one of the greatest issue in their relationship, on both sides, and he knew that they had to take it step by step. "I just don't want to lose you. I told you earlier, I'm scared. Since that man almost shoot you, I'm perpetually worried that one day, you will…"

He didn't finish his sentence: they both knew what he meant, but none of them was brave enough to pronounce the words. It seemed like it would make the possibility even greater and the reality even scarier.

"I know it, Jane, and I'm sorry, but you know who I am. I'm sure the moment we shook hands, you'd understood that my job is my life. I dedicated more than fifteen years of my life to my career, and now I have a respectable position. I can't throw it away just for…"

He felt a bit of anger suffusing through his body.

"For a happy future, a loving family? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life working late, filling paperwork while everyone goes home?'

His outburst made them both silent for a moment. It was the first time since they'd started the relationship that he'd got mad at her and he immediately regretted it. He was expecting her to retreat in a wounded silence or to yell at him as well, but little did he anticipate the whispered words, barely audible, that came out of her mouth, wrapped in a cloud of hesitation and shyness:

"A family?"

He froze. The words had come out of his mouth without him dwelling on their importance, of the depth of their meaning. When she saw that he wouldn't react, she pressed the issue, almost desperately:

"What did you mean by that?"

He took a deep breath, knowing that whatever he said now, he would never be able to go back on his words. He wished he could have more time to think about what he wanted to say, but it was now or never.

"Whatever you want them to mean."

"Really?" she whispered back, her face lighting up with hope.

"Yes. I can't guarantee that I won't be a bit overprotective, but if it's what you want, I feel like I'm ready to start a family again. In fact, I think I _want_ a family." he said, looking intently in her eyes. "With you."

Her eyes filled with tears.

"However…" he went on. "I want you to be aware that this job is not very suitable for a family. You will have to quit eventually. I already made the mistake of choosing my career instead of my family, and I think you perfectly know how I regretted that later."

He could tell she was about to argue, and he had absolutely no wish to have a dispute with her now.

"I'm not asking you to choose now. I'm only letting you know that I want our…our child to have both of his or her parents by his side, dedicated to his or her welfare and safety."

His hesitation hadn't gone unnoticed, but she chose to let it go. It was perfectly normal for him to be scared- hell, she was herself equally terrified and thrilled by the idea of having children. Instead, she took one his hand and stroke gently his knuckles.

"I understand your point of view. I truly do. I just need to think about it. I know I will have to let go of this job eventually, and… well, I'm not young anymore. Maybe it's time for me to move on. To acknowledge the fact that I'm not who I used to be, and that I don't want the things I used to want."

His only answer was a light smile.

"I love you. That's the only thing I know for sure." She concluded.

His smile turned into a grin and he gave her another gentle kiss.

"I love you too."

And on a silent but mutual agreement, they let the peaceful silence of the quiet night take over, as they both drifted off to sleep.

**A/N: There we are! I must confess, I'm not so convinced about this tag, so if you could let me know what you think of it, that would be lovely! And sorry for any mistakes you may have found: unfortunately, English is not my first language, and even if I did my best, I'm sure I've made some of them. **


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